Behind Blue Eyes
by Chaos-chick3
Summary: A songfic based on the song "Behind Blue Eyes," by The Who. Seto Kaiba reflects on his life and his reasons for doing the things he does. Oneshot, complete.


Come on, you know it was only a matter of time before a Kaiba songfic would be born when you heard this song. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or the song, which is called "Behind Blue Eyes," by The Who (I heard the Limp Bizkit version). The story is from Kaiba's POV. Read and enjoy!

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man,  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes.  
And no one knows what it's like  
To be hated,  
To be fated  
To telling only lies.

Shut up, Wheeler.

What the hell would you know? You don't know anything about me. Fuck that, you don't even know me. You have no right to judge me or what I do. Do you think I don't hear what you call me behind my back? I know you and your little friends all think I'm a jerk, or a cold-hearted bastard. You all think you're so righteous, with your holier-than-thou friendship speeches and your little missions to save the world. Hah! As if winning a few card games would save the world! But here's something else for you to think about. What I do is my business, and you twerps had better keep your virtuous little noses out of it.

Nobody really knows what it's like to be me. None of you can understand what it's like to always have to be the bad guy, the jerk, the one that everybody hates. You think I like doing what I do? Oh, but of course you do; you all think that I'm such a creep. Not even Mokuba understands it. "Big Brother, please don't be mean!" he begs, looking at me with those sad puppy eyes every time I have to fire a secretary or turn down a social invitation. I'm sure you think I fire secretaries for fun or on a whim when I'm in a bad mood, but that's not true. I fire people who are incompetent. People who would drag the company down otherwise. A company cannot be the best unless it is staffed by the very best personnel at every level, including secretorial, and even janitorial, positions. So, as CEO and the person who is responsible for my company's success, I am also responsible for culling out the weaklings. Just realize that somebody has to do it, even if it is a nasty job. And in my case, that somebody is me.

But my dreams,  
They aren't as empty.  
As my conscious seems to be.  
I have hours, only lonely,  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free.

I don't like being a bastard. I know you won't believe me, but I really don't. I do love designing games and inventing the hi-tech gaming equipment KaibaCorp is famous for, but I hate the business negotiations and the responsibility. I'm always busy, so busy that I hardly ever have time to just hang out with Mokuba. Usually, it's not even anything worth doing. It's just useless paperwork that has to be filled out, paperwork that eats away at my spare time, so that I find myself still at my desk at 8:00 pm, even though Mokuba's school play started an hour ago.

I know I end up hurting him over and over, but I'm doing this for Mokuba's sake. He's still up in his room now, sulking over yet another important event that I've missed. I don't even know what it was this time. Sixth grade graduation, maybe? I'll get the pictures from the governess. I wish he would understand that I can't help it when I miss these things. The company would fall behind if it weren't for me, so I can't afford to miss an evening's work. The business world is tough.

Sometimes though, I wonder how true that is. At night, when I've finally gone to bed and the whole house is silent, I think about what I'm doing. I know I say I'm doing it for Mokuba's sake, and I can convince myself that I am during the daytime. But when everyone's asleep and there's nobody awake to judge me but myself, I can't deny the fact that I'm lying. Yes, in a small part, I'm doing it for Mokuba. But I'm not telling the truth when I say I don't have the time to see his play or go to his graduation. After all, the company won't crash if I miss a few hours of work. The real reason, then, is that I'm working for revenge. I can't do anything for a pure motive anymore – Gozaburo has seen to that. Even though he's gone, he's already tainted me.

I am driven to succeed, to make KaibaCorp the world's most powerful company, because of him. I want to prove myself better. I want to grow and expand until I'm out of his shadow forever, until _he_ is the one eclipsed in _my_ shadow. I want my successes to be so brilliant that they make any achievements he made look pathetic. Plain and simple, I'm going to be so great that nobody will even _think_ Gozaburo when they hear the name Kaiba. It'll be Seto and Mokuba Kaiba. At that point, Kaiba will cease to be his name, and it'll be our name. Our name, completely and irrefutably. Not just a borrowed name.

No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do,  
And I blame you!  
No one bites back as hard  
On their anger,  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through.

But Wheeler. Do you know how many years it took me to build this mask you see? Do you have any idea of the effort and will power, the frustration, of constructing this image of an emotionless superhuman and then maintaining it every day? It took years of harsh treatment from Gozaburo, of being beaten and seeing Mokuba crying in the corner, before I could steel my resolve enough and perfect my fortress. There were no cracks in it, until you came along.

I can't afford to get angry. In business, losing your cool in any way is forfeiting ground. It gives your opponent the upper hand if you allow your emotions to be manipulated. For a long time, it was always the other guy who got mad or flustered. I was the ultimate business man, the one they all feared because they never saw anything but ice. I had buried any flame that was there far beneath the surface, under layers and layers of frost. But you, damn you, you and your cocky attitude managed to fan the flames enough so that the ice started melting. And it made me weaker.

Yes, it made me weaker! Psychiatrists, therapists, and you and your little gang would protest, of course. No, it wasn't weak to show emotion, it takes strength to reveal what's inside, you'd insist. Fools, all of you. Emotion is weakness in the business game. You can afford to show emotion, but you don't hold my job. You don't have to meet with cutthroat CEOs all lusting after your position, vicious snakes who wouldn't hesitate to exploit a weakness. They'd slither in through a crack in an instant if they could find one, and they're starting to now. I didn't have any cracks before. Now I do, and it's all because of you.

No one knows what its like  
To be mistreated,  
To be defeated  
Behind blue eyes.  
No one know how to say  
That they're sorry,  
And don't worry,  
I'm not telling lies.

You geeks have ruined my life. You destroyed my reputation as a duelist first, and then you made me too weak to compete in the business world. You've destroyed me, and I hope you're happy. Wait, of course you're happy. Your precious little Yugi won, so you're willing to make friends. I notice you've never been so gracious when he loses, hmm? You don't know what it's like to have nothing, and then to work so hard and have everything taken away from you by some punk. Because Yugi never loses, so you'd never know what it's like to be on the losing side.

Why is that, I wonder? How is it that he always manages to pull the right card at the right time? I'd say something fishy was going on, not that stupid heart of the cards crap you're always spouting. Suppose both duelists believed in the heart of the cards; would the duel end in a draw? I think you cheat – I don't know how, but I know you do, and you've taken my title unfairly. Not that you'd care anyways. I know you all hate me. So go on and hate me. I'm just the jerk. The rich, cold bastard whose life you've ruined.

No one knows what it's like 

To be the bad man, 

To be the sad man 

Behind blue eyes. 

Thank you for reading, and please review! Anybody reading my other stories, I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, but I've been crazy busy and the muses have abandoned me. I'll update when I have time and, more importantly, when I can think of something good to write.

1/7/05 – Many thanks to **kiyoshi-wheeler** for pointing out who the song is really by. I did not know that it was by The Who, but now I've attributed it to the right band. Thanks again!


End file.
